Its Hard to Love Yourself First, Best and Always
While every reading I do is different, they all start out the same.
First, I write these two phrases on the top of a piece of paper: The first
is Love Yourself First, Best, and Always! The second is Pray, Meditate,
and Shut Up and Listen!
Many clients, when examining their lives, see that they have not
put themselves first. Often, they have loved others more than they
have loved themselves.
This hurts them. This attracts energy vampires who have sucked up
their time, love and energy. They have experienced codependent and
When I say to Love Yourself First, Best and Always, I do not mean
to love yourself in a selfish, narcissistic, or damaging way. I mean to
not be an emotional or physical doormat for another person because
you love them, are afraid to be alone, or want to change them. Many
people I have spoken to want to help others. They want to do the right
thing for other people, but often forget about doing the right thing for
themselves. So, they bend over backwards to help other people, often
people that could help themselves if they chose to. And then they end
up hurt, lost, alone, and exhausted.
I remember a homeless man who I gave a $10 roll of quarters to;
he thanked me and opened the roll and took out $2 in quarters, then
handed the rest back to me. He said, “I could get mugged with that
much money in the shelter.” I did not understand it at first. I was
trying to help him, but he was wiser than me; he was loving himself.
He accepted all the help that he could at that moment and we both
This is why so many self-help books have been written on this
subject. My favorites are Women Who Love Too Much by Robin
Norwood, and Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. In the United
States, we all are encouraged to be independent. That is why we may
have nice houses, televisions and stuff but are all alone, unloved, and
lonely. We are all interdependent, though American society does not
promote this. We are not all rugged, self-sustaining individualists. We
are all connected to each other and to God.
To learn to love yourself, I use the example of a parent traveling
on an airplane with a child. You are advised that if the oxygen mask
comes down, you should put the oxygen mask on yourself first, so that
you are still breathing. Then you can put the mask on your child. This
seems counterintuitive to a parent who always puts their child first.
But your child cannot put the mask on you.
When you attempt to heal, love, save, support, and change other
people directly from your own limited pool of energy, it wears you
out. You drain your emotional and physical energy, and eventually
this leads you to getting sick. Accessing the universal love energy of
God is like putting your oxygen mask on first. What I will show you is
how to access the universal love energy of God.
Many clients are doing healing, counseling, and using their own
energy to help other people. This hurts them, first emotionally and
then physically. Your health is a mirror reflection of all the stress in
your emotional life. We can pray for and support others in the life
changes they have chosen, but we cannot make those choices for them.
Before you try to help others, you must first try to help and heal
yourself. This is
Give Richard Schickel a call at 520-668-3243 and I can help you get reconnected.